wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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