Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
