I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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