Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
