First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
