She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
