yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
