I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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