I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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