So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I want a musical about memes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
