this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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