Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
