my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
did you just send me my own nude
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
