Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
