She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
