someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
