he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
