I just threw up on my dentist
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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