You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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