I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
