OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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