Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
