She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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