It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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