I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
