Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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