Define "chronic" masturbator.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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