I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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