That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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