yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
