if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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