Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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