Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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