I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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