Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
