p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
