does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
