I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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