Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
