I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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