bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
