I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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