I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
