what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
