then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
