this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
