booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
