it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
