I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
