guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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