i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
